A collection of surfing poems from the early days of alt.surfing
Article: 1399 of alt.surfing
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (George Edmond Eddy)
Subject: Some please put a quater in the wave machine.
Date: 11 Jun 92 20:10:17 GMT
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
It's still flat, and i'm gettin fat
so i think i'll write a poem.
it's to Mother Nature and King Neptune,
do ya know 'em?
Oh, King, Mr. Neptune, deep in your aquatic throne,
Mom, with your consistently unpredicatable Nature,
you know we can never be at home,
lest we become engulfed in your turbulent waters.
oh please have pitty on us poor beached creatures.
if i can't surf and feel the wetness so free,
i might as well be eaten by leeches.
Please send us, miserable souls a swell, or two,
otherwise this poem is just the beggining,
of what a dried out surfer will do.
- rusty "yes, i'm keeping my day job" eddy
H.B. SUCKS! (the waves that is ;-)
KS! (the waves that is ;-)
Article: 1432 of alt.surfing
From: email@example.com (Brian Kiviat)
Subject: Surf Report-Delaware, USA
Date: 16 Jun 92 12:06:44 GMT
Reply-To: firstname.lastname@example.org (Brian Kiviat)
Organization: Carderock Division, NSWC, Bethesda, MD
Waves-Double overhead when lying on the board
NOTHING no waves at all. And I won't be going down to the beach for
the next 3 weeks. Life is like that sometimes.
I guess I'll just have to start this poetry thang.
There was a surfer from Nantucket
When the waves sucked he said f$#k it
I'll move to Bells
to ride the big swells
And tell my old boss to suck it
Well, it aint art but it's the best I can do.
Article: 1514 of alt.surfing
Date: 24 Jun 92 12:37:08 GMT
Organization: University of Florida (ufl.edu)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.3-4
Here's some more poetry, goons:
To surf or not to surf this
is NOT the question.....the question
is are the waves head high and
barreling or flat as a pancake.
Whether to melt in the sun only
because there is no surf or to
lusciously snatch it bald headed
off the lip.....this is the real
question. Or perchance to dream
of taking a flight to the land
of Aus....er....strike that, i meant
to say Cali....no....what i mean is
Flori......no that's not it either
i mean Pruneville, Ohio. Yes, it
is by far better to go there and
attempt to surf those huge 60 footers
on lake michigan than go to any
of those other sorry places. And
if sayest thou wilst say nee more
and go there with me lest i kick
thee out the back door..........!
Article: 1631 of alt.surfing
From: email@example.com (Nigel Brendon Robinson)
Subject: My surf poetry from last year.... :-) (Theresa drop me a line!)
Date: 20 Jul 92 10:49:23 GMT
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Wollongong University, Australia
Theresa are those two blokes(your fiance...) still coming to oz ????
If so tell me when ...
Here's the two poems that I wrote last year during a freezing flat spell
that occurred.Lud asked me to post it before my exams but I didn't get time
to organize it then.Time is something I now have alot of.... Unfortunately
when you usually have alot of time, you don't have much money and
vice versa...oh well,life goes on.
The first poem I wrote while just about tripping on caffiene.The night
before I'd drank too much alcohol so I thought I'd take it easy when I
went to the bar.Instead I ended up drinking too much coke.So by about 1:00am
and still not getting to sleep I decided to do something and writing a poem
was what came about.
It's got no title but maybe one of you personages can sugguest one.
Here I stammer inside myself
No need to rush just to be awake
Where's the justice if you've god bad health
I surf upon a Rusty Presendorfer
The amazing part is it's a pintail
I love to feel of it moving like a Porsche
I now describe an action clear
To ride a wave from crest to sand,
To get the feel is a one way steer
I'll need more than words to make you understand.
My descriptions long and grand
You walk to the water's edge
Place your board on the sand with sideways flick,
You love to ride your favourite stick
The leash is tied upon your leg
But you touch the water as walking forward
Who needs a broom to reach the ocean
You pass some people and they laughed and called you a skeg
You smile to yourself and mutter an inward comment,
Lucky is the work, "I'm lucky to be a skeg!"
Indeed it's true, to be lucky one must have patience
On with the show as you push over the first wave with an upward
jump across the wash.
Paddle forward and meet the next,
A deep duck dive under the foam
Open you eyes and see the wash is strong,
Who need to worry when there's a swell around.
The first wave is caught and the take off is steep,
You bottom turn and the spray is wide.
Down the line the form is taking,
Here's the fun in waves back-bending-out breaking.
Try and draw a tube from the inside looking out and
You'll find it's hard to make the grade,
Life's not easy when you live in the shade.
Anyhow, the tube is deep and the furrows long, as you reap the
reward of pushing along strong.
The pressure builds and the orgasm mounts,
The spray forces its way along the waves and blows you out its
Rebirth is an amazing experience,
Especially when the birth-water is so warm.
You finish with a mad aerial kick-out and end the ride,
It's really great to be alive.
This next poem I was trying to put down the analogies between sex and surfing.
Like all amazing pursuits, poetry tries to convey the feeling behind the words.
There is no place I long to see
Where ripe and pure women lay
I have no hint of where it's found
But to be told would be a shame
Because there's fund just looking around
Waves are rumbling as they hug the shore
Where the women lie aplenty to score,
They caress the bottom in cylindrical form,
Matching the feminine shapes that are very well born.
A first embrace is a tender gift,
Diving down to cleanse the soul,
Take her hands and smile softly,
Paddle out to make one whole.
The drop is quick with a low tide,
No faster than bedding apon the sand,
Taking that muff of fur within my hand,
Feel the supple yet hard stick slide.
A gasp out loud as the first thrust felt,
Driving hard and fast down the line,
Give a hoot to psyche the mind.
Release from lust feels more than fine.
A rocking motion is the action felt,
To hit the lip and bottom-turn hard,
Reaction now is back and forth,
Furrowing deep and quick like a horse.
The climax is not far away,
Set the sights and lock on the rail line,
The tunnel vision is now in sway,
Hold on to this moment of ecstasy sublime.
A rumble is heard deep from within her bosom,
Hold fast and she is about to spit,
Orgasmic fluid rushes past in a blossom,
A shrill noise quacks from the rider's lips,
Coming through to a vision wholesome.
At last laying down side by side,
Relief has been felt from both involved,
Each enjoying the other so much and more,
A long lasting memory has just been burned.
The below is a little bit extra that a guy sent me about growing old
along with the poems.... Maybe some of you can relate :-)
It's about growing old.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work
You get winded playing chess
You begin to outlive enthusiasm
Your favorite part of the paper is "25 years ago today"
You're 17 around the neck and 42 around the waist
A fortune teller offers to read your face
You burn the midnight oil after 8:00 PM
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there
Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty
girl walk by
You get too much room in the house and not enough room in the
Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet
PS I had a resonable surf at south Beach about head high and sucking out
pretty viciously on Saturday.
PPS It's cold,dark and raining outside and I've got to ride my push-bike
home through it :-(
What did the bannana say to the vibrator ?
What are you shaking for, s/he's going to eat me.
What did one petifile say to the other petifile ?
Swap you two fives for a ten.
Article: 1680 of alt.surfing
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Robert Kieffer)
Subject: Re: night session
Date: 28 Jul 92 16:07:43 GMT
Organization: TRW Inc., Redondo Beach, CA
In article <152p8bINNavc@network.ucsd.edu> email@example.com (A
Garret Lisi) writes:
> Eight thirty p.m., the longboards have headed for home. The
> esci-lids have had their fill of the shore break. It's just
> me, some scattered macrocystis pyrifera, and four foot sets.
> Blackness. The horizon grows higher. Spin. Paddle. Feel
> the wave without seeing it. Free fall into the inky black
> pit. Howl. Skegs dig into the face. Bottom turn. Drive.
> The world ahead explodes into sudden white. Carve for the
> top. Launched. Sky. Gravity has it's say. Paddle out for
> the next one, it's not time to go just yet. Wind-an-sea,
> south swell, high tide, 70F water. Why haven't I lived here
> all my life?
> After reading alt.surf for a few months now, I thought it would
> be best to introduce myself. I'm stoked to find other surfers
> who know where the "on" switch is on a computer.
> A question: How does surf in Western Oz compare with
> California? Any first hand info?
All right, Garrett! About time someone gave Nigel a little competition
for his poetry!
Talk to Clark Quinn re: Oz .vs. US surf.
Article: 2446 of alt.surfing
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Jonathan William Wisler)
Subject: What's the point
Date: 20 Nov 1992 22:50:56 GMT
Organization: University of California; Santa Cruz
more mind jello
surf is flat
computer I'm at
hear your tales
'bout killer whales
and mackin' surf
fights for turf
from up under
and local wonder
to pass the time
until the green
can be seen
not from a computer screen
know what I mean
P.S. pretty stupid
Article: 1361 of alt.surfing
From: email@example.com (D.J. nifty suit & the Shark Fin)
Subject: It's Alive
Keywords: surfing without a net
Date: 6 Jun 92 00:11:32 GMT
Organization: University of California, Santa Cruz
Read the surfing net
and here's what you get
that bloat Lud
who's rumored a Pud
there is Nigel
his mouth quite is agile
Jim the dong
thier words blunder
from down under
they don't differentiate
thier friends from mate
now up on the top
where whitey's the cop
land of Agro-not
think they're hot
to the camera nearer
not water clearer
oh that Aiery
surfs very scary
with hellman grief
a duck from redondo
bitchin gnarly mondo
now there's dirk
and he's a real jirk
Article: 1363 of alt.surfing
From: leif@unixhub.SLAC.Stanford.EDU (Leif Eric Johnson)
Subject: Re: It's Alive
Keywords: surfing without a net
Date: 7 Jun 92 01:10:37 GMT
Organization: Stanford Linear Accelerator Center
In a previous article firstname.lastname@example.org (D.J. nifty suit & the Shark Fin) writes:
>Read the surfing net >and here's what you get
>that bloat Lud >who's rumored a Pud
>there is Nigel >his mouth quite is agile
>Jim the dong >from Wall-o-gong
>thier words blunder >from down under
>they don't differentiate >thier friends from mate
>now up on the top >where whitey's the cop
>land of Agro-not >think they're hot
>to the camera nearer >not water clearer
>oh that Aiery >surfs very scary
>Stanford Lief >with hellman grief
>a duck from redondo >bitchin gnarly mondo
>now there's dirk >and he's a real jirk
Dirk, dirk, amusing jerk
sing your poem, then you smirk.
Pick on this dude, that dude, other
suck your thumb and run to mother.
Nail my good friend, john of Airey
as if he were a loser larry!
Talk down "bloat" Lud, what a jive
just 'cause his waste is 45 <---------inches, for you ozzie slobs :-)
And Nig, poor Nigel, way down south
gets chided for his vulgur mouth.
But I notice you're no rhyming lark
with your nifty suit, and fin of shark.
So let's just stick to surfing topic
I'm planning a trip this year to the tropic!
Down south the waves are good I hear
while the north half sucks for half a year.
But that's not why I wrote this poem
you disrupted our placid NETtish home.
But since your new here, do not fret
I hereby welcome you to the NET!
-Leif :-) Ok, I'm a jerk too, so kill me!
as poetry seem's to be the go at the moment, here is another attempt at
From memory, the mouth down south, Nigel :-), was the first to grace
the net with poetry, if you still have those early poem's Nig, how
about reposting them ?.
Well here's a poem from us down under,
for all the gang up north that wonder,
why we down here would rather be,
away from work and in the sea.
Lud the pud is feeling good,
in the land of Oz down under.
With winter here, the waves you see,
come rolling in like thunder.
In the pre-dawn dark you have a yawn,
and listen for the thunder,
of the waves you hope will grace the dawn,
on a winter morn' down under.
You hear the sound, and in one swift bound,
are out of bed and running.
You load the car, and call the hound,
and get the old van gunning.
You crest the hill, and feel the chill,
of the offshore breeze that's blowing.
You glimpse the swell, as you come up on Bell's,
and see the lips are throwing.
You grab your stick, and paddle quick,
and stroke to reach the big one.
You spin and stroke, and fully stoked,
you pull into a tubed one.
With so few out you hoot and shout,
and share the wave's aplenty.
You make one out, and give a shout
'cause you never make too many.
Two hour's surf, on the new sleek gun,
has filled life's need of wave's and fun,
you catch one in, and looking back
you know the sea will draw you back.
On other day's such joy's must wait,
for the call of work dictate's our fate.
Though sometimes you can sneak in late,
if the surf is up, those day's you hate.
Sometime's huge swell's pump in at Bell's,
and make us s?it and wonder,
have we the ball's to go out there,
or would we just go under ?
With no Leif here to calm our fear,
or teach us how to hellman be,
we're filled with doubt, and ponder,
the monstrous surf just yonder.
On other day's the fear's not there,
the waves don't have such thunder,
you race out there, and slash and tear,
and rip the waves asunder.
And when to work you finally get,
it's great to hook up to the net,
and share with friend's the world around,
the joy's of nature that we've all found.
And for those long spell's of surfless flat
you can dial the net and have a chat,
arrange a trip with friend's anew,
to chase away the the surfless blue's.
Well bye to all from us down under,
may you all be blessed with surf and thunder,
enjoy your life of surf and sun,
and keep us tuned with thing's you've done.
Cheer's all, keep surfing,
Article: 1408 of alt.surfing
From: email@example.com (Thomas David Mills)
Date: 12 Jun 92 17:03:42 GMT
Organization: Center for Microelectronics, MCNC; RTP, NC
It is flat flat flat, and I am itching for a surf somethin' awful.
Everyone seems to be turning out mushy poetry about surfing during
the dry spells, so I have my own little poem for your reading pleasure:
such silky sweeps
such smoothly flying spray
a sense of speed and power
like no other.
What a magical dance is this
water whispering so fast beneath me
and screaming chasing behind me.
I shall surf for all my life
We need some waves quick before things get out of hand around here.
Article: 2688 of alt.surfing
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Jonathan William Wisler)
Subject: Scooby Dues
Date: 13 Jan 93 23:39:11 GMT
Organization: University of California; Santa Cruz
After some brief sprack snacks
the waves do lack
listen to the Knack
the pro's did come
to get none
rack my brain
keeps me sane
i think ?
what's the point.
P.S. Purple Scrotum